It has bugged me ever since Willard Christopher "Will" Smith, Jr. was named the most bankable actor in Hollywood. So much so that I did my homework and worked out (when I say "I worked out" I mean "calculator") that all of his movies from the years 1993 to 2008 have earnt a total of $5,561,336,108 (roughly $5.5 billion) globally. And now, it bugs me even more that Will Smith is the most bankable actor in Hollywood.
I'm astonished to look back and realise that I have only ever contributed $10 to that huge total. What was the particular piece of cinema starring Will Smith I paid to see, you ask? No, not The Legend of Bagger Vance. It was The Pursuit of Happyness, and I wanted my money back the second I left, so something tells me I won't be catching a screening of Will's latest outing, Seven Pounds, released next month. Why you ask? Because it's just so happens to be directed by Gabriele Muccino and the other people behind Happyness. Despite the fact Will has a habit of snatching your hard earned cash at any given opportunity, he still hasn't managed to obtain an Oscar for any of his previous work, so the recently released poster for Seven Pounds doesn't just bare simple imagery and texts, but it also screams "Look, Hancock was a mistake, he's being serious now. Please consider Will for Best Actor".
In reality, the likelihood of Will bagging an Oscar for Seven Pounds is very small, in fact, the reality of Will ever winning an Academy Award is very small. Why you ask? No not because I don't appreciate him or his work, quite the opposite (with the exception of The Pursuit of Happyness of course), no, it's because Will is The Fresh Prince. That's right, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Yes that is a valid reason. If you don't believe me, check the Will Smith Handbook. It's right between the "His Marriage To Jada Pinkett Is A Sham" and "Him And Tom Cruise Are More Than Just Friends" sections, although theoretically that should just be one section.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Is Will Smith's "Seven Pounds" Oscar Bait?
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Monday, November 03, 2008
Kate Winslet Bets Your @#%ing Ass She Wants An Oscar
Vanity Fair bagged the ultimate English rose, Kate Winslet, for their latest issue and the why-the-fuck-has-she-not-won-a-god-damn-Oscar-yet actress, quite literally bared all to the magazine. It makes sense to see Kate venture out beneath the depths of the grand British countryside to pose for Vanity Fair in such a manner, since Kate has two much buzzed about feature films coming out, just in time for awards season, and I swear if Kate doesn't win that coveted Best Actress statue in February, I'll shoot myself. This woman has gone far too long without being awarded for her charming and impeccable talent, which seems to always get overshadowed every year she's nominated. And if you're wondering why I think she'll be nominated again for next year's Academy Awards, I have two very valid reasons; one, she's Kate fucking Winslet, and two, you can see for your very self why, by clicking here and here.
To read Kate Winslet's long ass interview with the publication, click here.
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Monday, November 03, 2008
Mars Attack 110308
Martin Scorsese, is that you? Joaquin Phoenix looked like death at the premiere for his "last movie ever", Two Lovers. (Dlisted)
Julia Roberts believes she is too old to play Vivienne the hooker again. Duh. (Holy Moly)
Jennifer Aniston hates Pink for speaking the truth. But we all know Jennifer is the soar loser when it comes to fiesty confrontations. (Agent Bedhead)
Quantum of Solace is kicking some major ass at the British box office; eyeing $1,000,000,000 worldwide gross. (Bastardly)
What the hell? Jessica Biel was just 17 when she posed naked for Gear magazine. Surely there's some law against unflattering faced women with stellar bodies, aged 17? (Egotastic)
There will be two Road to Perdition sequels. You can always have too much of a good thing. (/Film)
Kevin Smith made the movie Judd Apatow wished he had. Whatcha gon' do Judd? (Pajiba)
The people behind Britney Spears' new album cover tried to make the artwork look reminscent of the circus years, but in reality, it just looks like a cheap imitation with a ridiculous looking blonde at the center of it. (City Rag)
What in god's name is that? Shoot it! Now! (Yeeeah)
Hilary Duff and her boyfriend dressed up as Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt for Halloween. Forgive me, but how the fuck is that scary? At least Heidi Klum attempted "scary". (Candy Kirby)
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Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Samuel L. Jackson Fears For Barack Obama
Samuel L. Jackson is a very talented man whom I have the up most respect for, but even I know the shit depicted in 24 is on a whole different motherfucking level. Samuel, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be as knowing, since he believes Barack Obama will be assassinated if he's elected as president of the United States next month. I don't know how I feel about that. Yes Martin Luther King and John F. Kennedy were assassinated, but... oh shit, I've just realised I have no point to make, what so ever. Well, anyway, I can't seem to find an official source but before you dismiss Samuel's fears for Obama's life as fabricated bullshit, please recite it out loud with a Tennessee twang, oh and preferably holding a Royale with cheese. I'd be much obliged.
"At some point, somebody is gonna say something about 'that n**ger in the White House. They just haven't announced on the news that somebody in the back of some (vice-president candidate) Sarah Palin rally is going, 'Kill that n**ger!'. It really bothers me sometimes that we have to be so politically correct. What we fear most as black people, who want him (Obama) to win or be elected, is when is someone gonna try and kill him? Everybody acts like that's not the elephant in the room but it is."
In other Jackson news, Sam (is it OK if I refer to Samuel as Sam? I feel like I should be struck down for doing so but then again, I'll do what I fucking well please, for it is Friday) will be narrating Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds.
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Friday, October 31, 2008
Anne Hathaway Promotes Smoking
Anne, you're so full of shit:
David Letterman: You're absolutely radiant. I mean you look wonderful and you always look wonderful but I'm wondering now, are you doing something different to look even more wonderful?
Anne Hathaway: Yes but it's not what you think! No I actually, can't believe I'm saying this out loud to everyone, but I quit smoking.
David Letterman: Well there you go!
Anne Hathaway: I was, I was a secret, I was a secret smoker for a while.
David Letterman: How long had you smoked?
Anne Hathaway: I don't even want to go into it.
David Letterman: 5 years? 10 years?
Anne Hathaway: Well I....no, no, no. Oh yeah I started when I was 7...
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Friday, October 31, 2008
Mars Attack 103108
Kristen Stewart is gorgeous, even if she does look like she came off a bender and stands around like a gazelle with vertigo that’s about to tip over. (Yeeeah)
Another god damn remake! This time Samuel L. Jackson takes on Sho'nuff in The Last Dragon. (Dlisted)
The official movie poster for Fanboys is pretty awesome. (/Film)
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson rode the subway. Now that is something you don't see every day. (City Rag)
Give it up Courteney, no one cares anymore. (Candy Kirby)
Hilary Duff attempts music, again. (Egotastic)
The Olsen twins got more than they bargained for when they went to signing of their new book. Obviously PETA had an empty schedule for the day. (Webster's is my Bitch)
Haha fuck you Ben Lyons, fuck you long and hard. (Thighs Wide Shut)
Despite the fact that Mad Men's second season finale scored 2.9 million viewers, AMC want to be rid of Matthew Weiner because he costs so god damn much. Boo. (Pajiba)
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Thursday, October 30, 2008
Russell Brand Maintains His Flamboyant Awesomeness
If you hadn't heard already, Russell Brand is up shit creek for the comments he and British talkshow host Jonathan Ross left on veteran television actor Andrew Sachs' (of Fawlty Towers fame) answerphone (click here to listen to that shit). Both Russell and Jonathan were suspended by the BBC following an investigation, but Russell since gave the BBC a two finger salute and has left the motherfucking building.
All things considered, the whole fiasco has been covered by the press globally and British folk logged over 27,000 complaints about the brash comments which included Ross informing Sachs that Russell "shagged his granddaughter". Obviously a good portion of the complainers lead very dismal lives or they loathe Russell. I'd like to believe both are equally possible solutions, but that doesn't change the fact that there are more pressing matters going on right now, but I'm only saying that because some hippy always says that when an irrelevant scandal breaks out and polar bears are dying out in the Antarctica thanks to the bastards who insist on using 4 wheel drives.
But that's neither here nor there, because I still love Russell, and to shed some light on this fiasco, I thought I'd make you all aware his new movie, Bedtime Stories, is out in December. Sadly, Adam Sandler helms the movie and since he has the powerful ability of sending me to sleep at the drop of a hat, I'm going to need an adrenaline shot to the heart if I choose to catch Bedtime Stories, which is most definitely aimed at the Beverly Hills Chihuahua crowd, but I'm willing to overlook that simple fact, for now.
Catch the trailer for Bedtime Stories, which hits theaters on Christmas day, below.
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Thursday, October 30, 2008
Who Is Elisabeth Moss?
I went out on a limb and got stuck into the heavily hyped Mad Men the other day, and I've got to say, it is an utterly fantastic series. Everything about it is just great. That was such a cliche that I may in fact have to take a revolver to my head, but in all honestly, Mad Men is great.
The opening credit sequence is equally as fantastic, but upon recently viewing a first season episode the other night, I kept thinking, who is this Elisabeth Moss bitch? I already knew of Christina Hendricks (hubba hubba), but Elisabeth Moss? Not a clue. Being the computer-literate I am, I took this Moss bitch done with every thing I could find on her, which was hardly a challenge, only to discover she portrays the shy yet intriguing character of Peggy, the "other" main cast member, if you will. It turns out Elisabeth is a faithful member of the dreaded Church of Scientology (gasp!). Now there is nothing wrong with that so before all you Xenu worshippers draw your pitchforks or lightsabers or whatever your ideal choice of weaponary is, I'd like you all to know that Elisabeth is educated in the Hubbard Qualified Scientologist Course, ARC Straightwire, Student Hat, Grade III Expanded, New Hubbard Professional TR Course, and New Hubbard Professional Upper Indoc TR Course services.
Scientologist or no Scientologist, if I had that on my resume, I would be flaunting it around town like no body's business, of course I'd have to be wearing a bullitproof vest, as I do indeed value my life.
To learn more about Ms. Moss, click here to read her recent questionnaire with Playbill. That's Playbill, not Playboy, dear.
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Thursday, October 30, 2008
Make Sure The Apple Pie Is From Costco
The days I dubiously re-watched the worthless and sexual innuendo fueled adventures of Jim, Stifler and Shitbreak over and over were good days. They occured right up until I ditched my naivety (hah!), and threw my boxset to the back of the drawer after discovering more invigorating pieces of cinema.
I'd like to note that things sure have moved far beyond the clumsy doing wrongs of Jim Levinstein; people started taking lessons on how to successfully Photoshop a woman's body (please see imagery used above, dated 1999), Tara Reid made acquaintances with a nip and tuck surgeon, Jason Biggs discovered his back catalogue of failures which tried to break the "Jim Levinstein" mold were not working and Shannon Elizabeth, well, no one really knew what happened to her. Yes I think it's fair to say much has changed, but one this has stayed consistent since Jim and Michelle got married in 2003 — Hollywood is still stuck for ideas and isn't afraid to tug on those milk duds some more. Yes, you guessed it, an as yet untitled fourth American Pie movie is in the works! Universal has decided to abandon those direct-to-DVD American Pie sequels in favour of making a third sequel to the original film which will presumably shed light on what Jim and Michelle did after getting married, not including the mounds of sex with musical instruments and other miscellaneous objects.
I'm not particularly bothered by this news and I wouldn't be at all surprised if it didn't actually happen, but if I were to make one tiny demand, it would have to be that Jennifer Coolidge definitely reprise her almost non existent role as Stifler's mom, you know, for entertainment purposes, even if Seann William Scott is totally over all this American Pie business.
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